Feb
4
2012

Doing good to parents

In the Name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Allah says:

(Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents)

[Surat An-nisaa, 36]

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The deep meaning in this ayah is: whereas worship is due to Allah, being dutiful is due to parents, hence, we should differentiate between worship and being dutiful. You should be dutiful to your parents, you should prefer them over yourself, and you should be at their service as long as you live. That is the meaning of being dutiful.
In Arabic, the style of this sentence “bilwalidain Ihsana” is different from the ordinary style. The meaning, as scholars understood is that you should do good to your parents as if you are stuck with them. You should serve them yourself. A man might be busy, so he asks his driver to give his father a ride or he asks someone to check on his mother’s needs. That is not enough, as you should take care of your parents yourself. You should stick to them.
Parents sometimes are done with matters of life, and they need to see their children and to be with them.
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Dear bothers, in some countries now, family ties are broken. When a man gets ill, he is taken to a nursing home, however, what makes this old man happy is to be with his children.
A very rich woman, who was a mother of many children, got paralyzed. Her sons got bored of serving her. Their wives pushed them to send her to a nursing home. She found herself in a luxurious nursing home in which all her needs were met, but all that was not like being with her children. She called the notary and registered all her wealth to charity, leaving nothing to her children.
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Dear brothers, there is science called psychology of the elders According to which they found that old people are so sensitive. What makes them happy? It is to be with their children. The worst service among one’s children is better than the best service in a nursing home.
If one’s father is young, educated and wise and doesn’t need his children, it is so easy to satisfy him, but when he gets old, weak, and he needs service, cleaning and special kinds of food, he turns into a burden. At this stage, you need to satisfy him.
Allah says:

(And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them uff (a word of disrespect))

[Surat Al-Israa,23]

What is “uff”? It is a loud expiration and it is the least of what is forbidden. It is similar to slamming the door in the face of your parents. Some sons and daughters – I seek refuge with Allah- say bad words to their mothers, or hit their fathers. If the word “uff” is forbidden, what do you think of what is more than it?
Some scholars said: If there were a word less than ‘uff’, Allah would have mentioned it.
Allah says:

(Say not to them uff (a word of disrespect), nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.)

[Surat Al-Israa, 23-24]

You can’t find an ayah in the Quran in which Allah enjoins parents to be good towards their children, why? That is because love for one’s children is a nature in human being. Is there a legislation of enjoining people to have breakfast, or else they would go to jail? There is no need for that, all people get hungry, and they must eat, this is a nature, so it doesn’t need legislation. Love for one’s children is a nature in human being. Every mother, whether she is a Muslim or a polytheist, and whether she is good or bad loves her children, but not every son and daughter love their parents. Thus, Allah enjoins people to be dutiful to their parents
Allah says:

(And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.)

[Surat Luqman, 14]

Glory be to Allah! Think of the fetus, it needs calcium, and if the mother doesn’t drink enough milk or cheese in order to suffice the needs of them both, the fetus will take its need of calcium from its mother’s bones and that will cause cavities in her teeth, not to mention having fragile bones.
Allah says:

(His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.)

[Surat Luqman, 14]

It is said in some traditions:

Let the one who disobeys his parents do whatever he wants, he will never enter Paradise.

I advise you not to have a partnership with someone disobedient to his parents. If he was good, he would have been good towards his parents. Don’t have partnership with such person, and don’t deal with him. He is a bad person.

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) was asked:
Which action Allah loves best. He replied, “Prayer at its proper time.” ‘Then what?’ The man asked. He said, “Then kindness to parents.” He asked, ‘Then what?’ He replied, “Then jihad in the Way of Allah.”

[Al-bukhari and Muslim]

The greatest deed is prayer at its proper time, then kindness to parent, and then jihad in the cause of Allah.


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Abu Huraira (may Allah be please with him) said:

A person came to Allah’s Messenger and said: Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from me? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he said: Then it is your father.

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) was asked:

Which woman has the greatest right on man? He said: Your mother has the greatest right on you. And when he was asked about the man who has the greatest right on woman, he said: Her husband.
Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-‘Aas said: A man came to the messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) and said: ‘I take the oath of allegiance to you for hijrah (emigration) and jihad, seeking reward from Allah.’ The Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) enquired whether either of his parents were living. On his replying that both of them were, the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Are you (really) seeking reward from Allah?’ ‘Yes,’ the man said. The Prophet (peace be on him) then said, ‘Go back to your parents and be a good companion to them.’

[Reported by Muslim]

Serving the parents is jihad in the cause of Allah.
Dear brothers, I hope this lectures about being dutiful to parents would be translated into a reality or it would be useless. If you say: a billion, it is nothing. To have this amount of money is something and to say the number is something else.

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds

Translation : Maha Sulieman
Auditing : Noora Al Sharabi

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